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Work stress will follow you everywhere if you let it! So what can you do when you just can’t seem to leave work behind?
Let’s look at common reasons we have trouble with this, along with what to do when you don’t plan to quit your job.
And if it’s time for a career change? We’ll share a resource for literally leaving work behind! We’ll also review common questions.
Common reasons you may feel pressure to bring work home with you
Bringing work home with you isn’t just a “you” problem. It’s reinforced daily within our workplace, advertising, and a constant sense of urgency in our society. To be successful, it seems like you need to be working all the time!
Here are common reasons why we take work home with us.
Office culture and workplace expectations
This isn’t just a problem in individual workplaces. It spans entire industries!
I come from the agency world, where everything is a fire and that’s, frankly, just the way it is.
You can attempt to be the agency that “does things differently,” with reasonable office hours and extended timelines —
But inevitably, many clients will go elsewhere, looking for the agency that bends over backwards for them instead.
So if you bring work home because your projects require it, and your colleagues take work home with them, and your boss does, and your boss’s boss does, too…
Then this definitely isn’t a “you” problem. Unfortunately, it’s just what’s expected of you.
And that’s not even getting into what’s expected of us as women! We’re expected to do it all and take notes, too.
Unclear or nonexistent boundaries
“How can I have boundaries if no one else does?”
Well, I’m right there with you!
Being the one employee who insists on leaving work behind at exactly 5:00 will breed resentment, pushback, and full-on violations of your boundaries.
It’s not right! Everyone should be able to have clear work boundaries. But when you see it from a colleague’s point of view, like, “Why should you get to say no to this, since that means I’ll have to do it instead” — well, they have a point.
So, take this one with a grain of salt, and look at what’s happening around you.
If you ask your team to work late, but don’t work late yourself…
If you’re the one sending Slack or Teams messages at 9:37 pm and getting mad that no one responds…
If you’re the only one in the business who DOES take work home with you at night…
Then you might be the problem.
But if no one around you has work boundaries, if there’s no culture of work-life balance, if women at your workplace are consistently overloaded, or if business policies stipulate things like mandatory overtime and variable workweeks…
Then that lack of clear boundaries is systemic, and it makes total sense that you have trouble leaving work behind as a result.
Excessive workload and the fear of falling behind
When you have more work than hours in the day, what can you do?
You can look for ways to extend timelines, decrease work, or delegate. But beyond that, it’s easy to get stuck! I mean, everyone else is swamped, working 50+ hours per week. So, you pretty much have to, too, right?
Especially if you’ve fallen behind in the past, forgetting deadlines and impacting others — you’ll do just about anything to avoid that again. That includes taking work home with you.
But at a certain point, you might want to ask yourself:
Do I EVER feel like I’m actually caught up at work? Or do I always feel behind?
Does it always feel like I have too much to do, and not enough time to do it? And is that actually true — that I can’t complete my work within the day or week?
Your answers might reveal some new truths about your future at work.
Challenges at home
I don’t see this one talked about much, but workaholics (especially women): hear this.
You may blame others for why you can’t leave work at work. But what if you’re taking work home at night to avoid other issues?
Do you get along with your roommates? Is your marriage rocky right now? Are you dealing with loss? Health problems? Aging parents?
Many of us handle this type of stress through avoidance — and work can be a convenient way to avoid other challenges like these. And as women, we’re typically expected to do it all, anyway… and that makes a convenient excuse for why we’re caught up doing it all, all the time.
5 practical ideas for leaving work behind (when you don’t plan to quit)
If your job is fine (or even fun!), it pays the bills, and you really feel like you could leave work behind with a few tweaks, these ideas are for you!
But if you don’t think you can improve things at this job — and you don’t want to wait around to find out — skip to the next section instead.
1. Create a healthy transition
When you work from home, this can be really challenging! You don’t get the benefit of a commute (whether walking, biking, driving, or on public transit) to create a clear demarcation between the workday and the rest of your day.
But whether you work from home or not, try making a firm transition at the start and end of your workday.
- Write or create something (60-second bullet journal, write until you fill a page, draw, knit…)
- Play with your pet or kids
- Get coffee, tea, or your beverage of choice with your friend or family member
- Call or Facetime someone
- Watch a show
- Listen to music
- Take a walk (this could be 5 minutes, 90 minutes, or whatever you want it to be)
- Exercise (same thing — a 30-second plank, a 60-minute HIIT class, or anything in between)
2. Embrace your own life
When your job feels all-consuming, it’s honestly embarrassing how easy it is to lose control of your personal life and what matters to you.
It can feel like you CAN’T go to yoga because of that urgent project. Or you can’t take vacation because you need to hire for your team. Or you can’t see your family tonight because you have a late meeting (and then an early meeting tomorrow morning).
Yes, working longer hours makes it harder to fit in the rest of your life. The pockets you do have get filled up with chores, errands, and of course, more work.
But honestly? A lot of that shit can wait.
You’ll still finish that task on time if you create a focus block tomorrow, so don’t sell those concert tickets.
You can go to Costco next weekend; you haven’t seen your best friend in months.
And you don’t HAVE to say yes to your 3rd evening meeting this month; it’s time for someone else to take one.
Make time for what matters to you!
3. Be the change you want to see
Whether you’re in a leadership role or advocating for change within your team, there are respectful, helpful ways to raise this issue. You could become the hero who not only improves your own work-life balance, but creates solutions for others, too!
As a former team lead, here are my top tips to advocate for and create change in the workplace:
1) Develop your case. In most businesses, it’s all about ROI. (Yep, even if they say they’re “people first.” In fact, ESPECIALLY then!) So, you need to have data and facts to prove why this is a problem, and why fixing the problem will actually improve morale, retention, and the bottom line.
2) Come ready with solutions. Raising a problem without possible solutions is just putting more work on someone else’s plate — and that can stop even a great idea dead in its tracks. So before you bring this up, create solutions on your own. Stuck? A coach can help you brainstorm and prepare what you’ll say.
3) Be flexible. Very few suggestions for large-scale change are implemented as-is. People in different departments and across different levels of the company will see different benefits, challenges, and details that you may not see. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that your exact vision might not be the final outcome.
If your workplace is full-on toxic, you may not get much traction here. To be perfectly honest, it could even land you on the chopping block. (People have been fired for less, even if it’s not deserved.) So, as with any advice, use your best judgment about whether this is the best thing for you to do.
4. Get support
Personally, I’m terrible at this! So if you’re thinking, “Who would help me? How could they even help? It’s better to just do this on my own” — well, I get it.
But you’ve been trying to leave work at work, achieve work-life balance, accept your circumstances, and “just deal with it” for HOW many years now?
Yeah. And it’s not getting you anywhere, is it?
Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist, mentor, or coach could be just what you need to keep moving forward — without losing yourself in the process.
5. Prioritize relaxation and self-care
I know. You see this tip in every single article about burnout and work-life balance!
And that’s because, if you actually LIKE what you do but are just a bit overwhelmed, have trouble setting boundaries, or worry what people will think of you if you dial back 5% at work… a little self-care really CAN go a long way!
You don’t need another list of ways to take care of yourself. You know what it looks like: walking, yoga, getting enough sleep, face masks, and bubble baths. (See?)
But where self-care doesn’t help so much? When you hate what you do. When work makes every week excruciating. When you imagine spending another 5, 10, or 20 years in the same place and just want to cry.
Leaving work behind is difficult (or impossible) when you hate what you do —
No amount of self-care can fix a career you hate!
So, what can you do?
Hate your job? Here’s how to (literally) leave work behind — and find a new job you actually like!
If you hate your job and just can’t seem to leave work behind, it could be time to think about creating a new career path.
In the post I Want a New Career But Don’t Know What, you’ll get 6 key steps to discover and pursue a new career — one you actually enjoy!
Leaving work behind FAQs
How to leave work stress behind?
If you’re stressed about work and taking that stress home with you after hours, it’s important to get clear on the real problem.
Are the expectations at your workplace too extreme?
Do you need clearer personal boundaries?
Are you focusing too much on work to avoid other problems in your life?
Do you dislike your work?
Would these problems persist at another employer, or in another career path?
If you can make personal changes and take breaks to reduce your stress, that’s great!
But if self-care, writing it out, setting boundaries, and going to your manager for support aren’t helping, you might realize that your career isn’t right for you.
How do you know when it’s time to let go of a job?
This decision is highly personal, and yours alone. But it may be time to leave when:
- You’ve tried making changes, but nothing has helped
- Interpersonal problems haven’t been resolved with support from your manager and/or HR
- Your reasonable boundaries are repeatedly violated
- You don’t feel respected and/or aren’t recognized for your skills and contributions
- There’s no upward mobility
- You can’t get the compensation or benefits you need
- You’re consistently unhappy, busy, stressed, and unfulfilled, running low on hope
When possible, create a transition plan rather than quitting on the spot. You’ll usually want to have another job lined up, or a budget and plan for taking time off, before quitting.
How to not let work consume your life?
Work will consume your life, if you let it. But getting out of that headspace isn’t an easy task.
So if you have trouble leaving work behind, taking a moment to reflect is essential. What specifically feels all-consuming about work? What have you tried to fix it? What’s getting in the way of making changes?
Because the harsh truth is:
Work will continue to consume your life … until you know exactly WHY it’s consuming your life.
You may find it easiest to answer these questions through journaling, talking with family, or with the trained support of a coach. However you do it, you owe it to yourself to create the time — so you can get through this rough patch and start living your life again!
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If you want to leave work behind for a brand-new career, but need support to discover and plan the beginning of your next move, 1:1 career coaching could help.
Learn more about my career transition coaching program!
